At 1735 baby hwang hesistantly steps into the hallway. 

“Is umma home yet?” - baby hwang

“no.” - jane

“oh okay” - baby hwang

Even without my glasses I can see baby hwang’s relief that she woke up before mama hwang came home so that she can pretend she was awake all day instead of having slept in until 1730 (aka 5:30 in the PM like the AFTERNOON) like the laziest of all lazy bums. 

too bad baby hwang’s eyes are still sleep swollen which might last for an hour or so especially since she ate ramen last night BAHAHAHA.

franny and I are home alone and washing the dishes when we hear a THUD from a distant part of the house. we stop all activity and listen for something else to indicate there might be somebody else besides us. it is so quiet I can hear the clock ticking in the other room. 

the silence that allows for all kinds of horrible unspeakables to zip through the mind is usually the most terrifying part of this kind of situation. and maybe it’s human instinct but we always assume that we’re going to be in the worst case scenario.  

we decide to check out the house to make sure we’re safe. I am armed with a knife and a frying pan while fran whips out pepper spray and that colorful asian duster. I don’t know why she picked that out as her weapon of choice but I’m too busy trying to form an action plan to point out otherwise. so we go through every closet, room and bathroom (that’s like nine different rooms) and by the end of the whole search franny is sweating bullets and I have severe tachycardia. I realize during our search that neither fran or I know how to “clear” an area. If there really was a psycho criminal armed with a gun and had intent to shoot us, fran and I could have been shot when we opened every door because we were pretty out in the open. 

so I looked up “how to clear your house of an intruder” and found some interesting articles about the subject. I didn’t get shit done today in terms of academics but I think fran and I will be better prepared the next time we freak the fuck out. 

sometimes. or actually a lot of the time I look at stuff and I wonder “why? why did I choose to quit my job?” it’s not like I was making too much money but I could have saved up for the endless amount of material objects that give me that delicious giddy feeling. like that kate spade bag. the nike windbreaker. the sequin converse. hunter boots. chloe sunglasses. freepeople anything. marc by marc jacobs. an ipad. nikon camera. etc etc etc x etc. but then I take a step back. why did I quit my job? was it because I was getting really sick of bringing extra wasabi to the customers that didn’t end up being eaten anyways? or was it because I wanted more time to study? sometimes I feel like I quit to try and curb the material wants because no money = no goods. or maybe there were days when I really just wanted to stay at home and be at peace with the world instead of feeling rushed to get to a nonexistant finish line.

and as I’m writing this, I feel like I made the right choice. I may feel regret every time rebecca minkoff sends me an email cataloguing new (and super cute) bags but I’m just as content going to the movie theatre or chilling at barnes and noble without any obligations on my mind. 

and besides, that future will come sooner or later right? if not, oh well, hopefully amc and barnes and noble will still be around.

home —> nepal —> other home —> home. 

study abroad r/t nursing in nepal. 

it’s a possibility. 

I discussed this with my mom today. I’ve been telling myself the last two weeks that this trip is probably not going to happen because (1) its 3551 + airplane fare (2) I’m going to see gramps (3) mom would probably talk me out of it. A couple weeks passed by and I figured I could take out one of the school loans to go on the trip and then bojana gave me this brilliant idea of going from nepal straight to korea. If I can plan this out, it will only be several hundred to go to nepal on top of tickets to korea.

I talked it over with the mother today. I had this whole speech planned out. Of course it didn’t go at all according to plan. I’m not sure why but I was expecting her to talk me out of it. She didn’t, and instead told me that I should go if I can. 

I’m waiting for something else to come up - aka loan not going through - but otherwise, I’ll be spending next summer with babies, pregnant women and family.